Insecurities

Insecurities are something that everyone has, but not many people like to talk about.

 

I personally hate talking about mine, to anyone! I don’t like admitting that I don’t like certain things about myself and I think that when I bring them up, it just highlights that area to whoever I’m talking to and they’ll think ’wow, your tummy really does look like a giant ball of dough, how did I never notice that before?!’… or something along those lines.

 

This is causing quite a problem though; by not talking about our insecurities it’s tricking everyone into thinking we don’t have any. Even though it’s not true, it can be very damaging to look at other people and think that they don’t have any insecurities, because why do you have so many if they’ve got none? Does that make you inferior? Less than them? Worthless?

 

Of course it doesn’t! But that train of thought is so easy to get caught up in and it’s definitely caught me out before. That’s why I’ve made this very difficult decision to share 10 things that I’m insecure about. Posting this is making me feel very uncomfortable but I think it’s important to admit that I don’t like these things about myself. If I were talking about somebody other than myself, I would say that insecurities are human, they don’t make you weak and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having them so that’s the advice I’m giving myself today.

 

Before I bore you to death with my babbling, here are 10 things I’m insecure about:

 

 

  • That I’m annoying

 

I don’t think I could count how many times I’ve been told that I’m annoying, and I mean the serious kind not the cute or funny kind of way people might laugh and say ‘god, you’re so annoying’. I sometimes hear myself speak and think ‘urghh, just shut up!!’ so if I think that then what does everyone else who has to listen to me think?!

 

 

  • That I’m boring to be around

 

I’m not much of a party person and I don’t have a lot of hobbies, my favourite things to do are usually solo activities like reading, baths and blogging so I don’t think I’m very fun to be around. When people ask me what I’m into, I usually either exaggerate my interests or just point blank lie and say that I’m interested in things that I honestly don’t care about. This is something that I’m working on by trying to find more hobbies and be a bit more social but at the end of the day it’s who I am and I should stop apologising for it.

 

 

  • What people think of my driving

 

I can’t explain why I’m so sensitive about my driving but a combination of being a girl, having a few bumps and struggling with things like parallel parking have given me a bit of a reputation for being a bad driver and it bothers me. I don’t mind people making silly jokes or teasing me a little bit but when people genuinely think I’m a bad driver it really irritates me and knocks my confidence.

 

 

  • That my legs are jiggly and have stretch marks

 

This is something I debated including because I think my stretch marks are gross and have never, ever talked about them before. The only person who’s seen them is my boyfriend and I don’t talk about it with him either. I’m going on holiday at the beginning of December where I’ll be wearing swimwear and shorts/ skirts etc. and I’m really worried about being too self conscious and letting my insecurity ruin our holiday so this is something I need to overcome by then.

 

 

  • That I’m too loud

 

I’ve always been a naturally loud person, my whole family have loud voices and I’ve always been fine with that, until recently. When I was in primary school, I used to get the part of narrator in the school plays because my voice was loud enough to be heard at the back of the room when no-one else’s was. In secondary school, I did well in drama because I had the confidence to raise my voice and let it be heard. Now I work in a small office and can be heard over everyone else, I have to make a conscious effort to keep my voice down so I’m a lot more aware of it on a day-to-day basis.

 

 

  • Exercising in front of people

 

This one actually annoys me it’s so stupid. I don’t know when this developed or how or why but I’m trying very hard to beat it because it’s completely ridiculous. Everytime I go for a run, all I can think about is all the people who can see me and worrying about what they think of me. When I do a home workout, I’m paranoid that one of my neighbours will be able to hear me through the walls… who cares?! I know I certainly don’t ever think anything negative when I see somebody working out so why would anyone else? If anything it probably just encourages them to workout themselves.

 

 

  • That my tummy is dough-y and un-toned

 

Okay let me just get this straight, I’ve never had a six pack, or even just visible abs but my tummy used to be firmer and less squishy and that’s something I’d really like to get back. Obviously this isn’t at all important and my health is still absolutely fine which is the main thing but  I care about it and that’s that.

 

 

  • Singing in front of people

 

This one stems from being told what a terrible singer I am time after time so now I hate singing in front of other people and keep it to a minimum.

 

 

  • That I’m not very smart/ hold other people back

 

I’ve always valued being smart and put a lot of pressure on myself to gain as much knowledge as possible but I still feel insecure about not being smart enough or hold other people back (eg. when I’m working in a team at work, I worry that I hold the team back). I think this does have some merit because I’m not the smartest person in the world but I should probably give myself some more credit.

 

 

  • That I’m not useful

 

I don’t think I have any useful skills or talents, my job isn’t particularly useful and I don’t do much charity work and I don’t like that about myself. I’m trying to change that by looking for some sort of volunteering/ charity work to do and I’m trying to remind myself that not everything you do has to have a helpful and useful purpose.

 

This was quite a personal post for me and very different from anything I’ve talked about here before but I’m hoping that by talking about it then this embarrassment of insecurities will disappear.

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